posted by admin on Nov 28
Alone…
The room is dark. There is a sour smell that sits heavy. A single bed and a table beside are all the furnishings in the room. In the bed, a very old being lays. Wasted from not having the strength to eat, the years of life have taken their toll. There, the old one lays facing heaven. Mouth open and eyes closed. Breathing is much work and takes considerable concentration to do well enough. A nurse will come by five times a day to check in and help with body functions. The functions that work on their own and the functions that dont. Modesty was left at the side of the road many years ago. Old age does not give you the indulgence of modesty. Death is thought of often. Like a visitor that might come by at anytime, the mind wants always to be ready and prepared to take in this visitor. To not be caught with a messy house. This old one is alone… or maybe not.
A voice speaks in the semi-darkness. It is a kind voice full of tenderness. A womans voice if a gender needed to be guessed. She speaks to the old one who lays so still in the bed. Hello my friend. If it is not any trouble for you, may I stay and share some words with you? You neednt sit up nor do you have to speak your thoughts aloud. I can hear your mind well enough. I truly would be honored if you would.
You call me friend, do I know you?
Yes, was her reply, You have known me a very long time.
Well then, I would like very much to, how did you put it, share words with you. You must forgive me, but I do not recognize your voice. It seems familiar to me but I can not place it all the same. And how is it you can hear my thoughts as I know I just do not have the strength to speak as easily as I once did.
The soft voice affectionately answered, Why, I can hear your thoughts because I am that close to you. I always have been. I am glad to hear that you have not forgotten the sound of my voice. It saddens me to see you here my old friend. After such a long road you have travelled, you now find yourself in this room… apart from the ones you have loved so dearly. Does that bring you pain? I have known some who, after finding themselves in similar places, feel very sad and alone.
Sad and alone? I imagine those feelings can be quite formable at times. God knows I have had my struggles with them. I do not feel sad and alone. Atleast most of the times I dont.
Her voice became even more tender as she asked, But my friend, you have lost all of those of whom you have ever loved. Your life partner has passed without you. Your only child was taken from you those many years ago. You brother and sister have both passed as well. You have no grandchildren or nieces or nephews. You have out lasted all of your loved ones. The last one left in the world of the living. How is it you do not feel sad and alone?
The old one chuckles a little. My friend, have you come here to cheer me up? When you put it that way, it is sad. I do miss them. Everyone one of them. When they were here, I felt more alive. More important. Now that they are not here, I do feel less then before. But even in death, they have not left me alone. Not by along shot. They continue in my memories and keep me company always. It would be very nice to hold the hand of anyone of them, one more time. It would be very nice to hear the laughter I once heard from them, one more time. But I know that will not happen again. Not in this life. I guess I do get sad, but I dont feel alone. Not really.
Again in a tender voice she says, I am glad to hear that my friend. That you do not feel alone. I am sorry that you do become sad though. I regret that I havent come sooner to share words with you and to keep you company. It isnt from the lack of want. I had to wait until you were ready to speak with me. I do have certain limitations. But I am here now and I hope I that I might be able to give you some of what you need to overcome sadness. If you would like, I can hold your hand. I revisit old times and laugh with you. We can cry together to if the need arises. I am here for you and am not leaving your side anytime soon.
Yes. Yes that would be nice. To hold the hand of one who I feel so comfortable with. Though you have not yet told me why that is. Why you are so familiar. Who are you my friend?
Her voice moved close to the old ones side. She whispered, I would be happy to remind you. I am she who was with you when you were born. I dont imagine you could remember that. I was with you when you were five and you broke your arm falling from that tree you werent suppose to climb. Perhaps you might still remember that. I hugged you and gathered you in my heart. I was with you when both your parents passed. We cried together when no one else was around. When your child was born, I was there. When we were alone with the babe, we both said our prayers to God and held that child so close. We shared such love for that little one. I have been there each time something very significant has happened to you and have shared in what joys and grief you have endured. Never have you been alone when you needed someone close the most. I have been there with you…always. Do you remember me now my friend?
A tear began its slow fall from a creased and wrinkled face. Ah yes. Now I remember you. My heart swells with the knowledge of who you are… who you have always been. I have always known you but did not realize your nature. Are you and angle? Am I already that far gone? Forgive me for not remembering you more quickly. I am old and my thinker isnt quite as fast as it once was.
Her strength in spirit allowed her spirit to take form enough to hold his hand. Gently she squeezed being sure not to aggravate the pain of the arthritic joints. She lightly kissed the old ones forehead. It felt like butterfly wings brushing the skin to the old one. You may call me your angel if it pleases you. From your perspective, that is what I may be. But I want to share something with you. You are my angel. You have lived life and have shared your every moment with me. A gift that can not be matched. It is because of you, I have never known alone. I have loved you without restriction from the day of your birth. And I will walk by your side along the final stretch of road. I am so happy to hear you tell me you dont feel alone. That you have the company of your memories to keep you connected to those beyond life. It is because of that you have not needed me very much until now.
Until now eh? So I am already that far gone. Well, I cant say I am surprised by that. I am so happy that you are here with me. Will you help me to cross over? To finally go and be with all those who have already left? It will be so good to see them all again. I am so ready for that. And will you stay with me, even after I pass? I find it hard to accept that I could be your angel. I am just a person, nothing more. But if that is so, do angels ever leave angels?
Her voice whispers in return, You and I can not be apart. I will always be with you and you will always be with me. I will walk with you to the next place and we shall reunite with all those you and I have loved. Angels do not leave angels my friend. Are you ready to take that walk? Or shall we talk here a little longer.
I am ready my friend. Ready and excited to make the next step. I do not feel alone though to most people I must look very alone. I was uncertain about taking this next step. I thought that I might be alone doing. But now I am relieved to know that even during this, I am not alone. I have you, my angelic one, to keep me company. I see now how I have always had you. Lets go there now. I will leave behind this body that has served me so well. I will leave it with a smile so that the nurse who comes in to visit with me wont think I was unhappy when I died. Lets go now my friend. Lets… go … now…
The room is dark. There is a sour smell that sits heavy. A single bed and a table beside are all the furnishings in the room. In the bed, a very old being lays. Life has left this beings body. There, the old one lays facing heaven. Mouth smiling and eyes closed. A nurse will come and find the old one has passed on. She will see the smile on the old ones face and know death came as a friend. With no living family and no friends that come to visit, this old one was alone. That is what the nurse once thought. Now, after seeing that peaceful expression left behind, she questions her assumptions. She thinks to herself, perhaps this old one was not so alone after all…
http://www.xomba.com/exploring_alone [2]
I like to write things down. What more can be said. The stories speak for themselves, or so I think. Ultimately, I am only a road of thought. It is the vehicles of story that deserve the greatest attention…and the passengers they carry.
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